CAST:
Three
Cardinals:
·
Lajolo
·
Amato
·
Bagnasco
Pope Francis
Two
adolescent boys
ACT 1
The Pope’s throne room in the Vatican City. Two
large video screens are on either side of the throne (in portrait). On one
screen we see proceedings from the Australian Royal Commission into
Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse. On the other screen we see male
child pornography.
Two boys emerge from behind the throne,
naked but painted head to toe in gold, They grab spears and then take up statue
poses – one next to the throne and one at the foot. The three cardinals enter
from the right with Pope Francis who is newly confirmed as Pope and is being
inducted to Vatican life.
Lajolo: (to Francis). And this is the throne
room!
Amato: Of
the Pope!
Bagnasco: Or, if you prefer, Satan’s Throne!
Lajolo: As
we have mentioned, this is where we bow, like this.
Bagnasco: In
Italy!
Amato: In
Rome!
Lajolo: In
the Holy See!
Boy 1: (lips barely moving) Psst! Psst!
Amato: What?
Boy 1: (whispering) Are they coming or not?
Bagnasco:
No, no. Relax: make yourself comfortable.
Boy 2: (sighing and flopping onto the steps)
Jesus Christ, you could have told us!
Boy 1: Do you have a light?
Amato produces a lighter and he and the boys
sit on the steps to the throne smoking.
Francis: (he looks around the room in) Excuse
me... this room... those boys... what is that court case? I do not recognise
any of it: is this Hell?
The cardinals burst out laughing.
Lajolo: Is this Hell, he asks!
Bagnasco: He thinks this is Hell!
Amato: That,
my friend, is happening right now in Australia!
Bagnasco: A
grand and tragic cardinal faces the masses!
Lajolo: In
the antipodes! Every day we watch the terrible war waging between church and
state!
Bagnasco:
The Government against The Cardinal!
Amato:
Atheists against Catholics!
Lajolo: The
Crown versus the Diocese!
Bagnasco:
The war against religious exemption!
Amato: All
the rebels!
Lajolo: The
Pope against his children themselves!
Francis: (covering his head with his hands) I get
it! I get it! I knew something wasn’t right!
Amato: (pointing to the pornography screen) Do
you know why we show this here?
Bagnasco: We
are safe behind the walls of the Vatican!
Lajolo: Here
is the story: it is the year 1074 and Pope Gregory VII declares that anyone who
wishes to be ordained must first pledge celibacy. Priests must escape from the
clutches of their wives! We move on to 1095 and Pope Urban II has the priests
wives sold into slavery and the children abandoned.
Francis: Oh
god, this is a mess!
Bagnasco:
Finally! He thought it was the depths of Hell before!
Francis: All
my piety...
Lajolo: My
dear friend, you have been on the wrong page. You are so naive!
Francis: (getting angry) You could have told me,
for god’s sake! I could have prepared for this!
Amato: I’m
sorry, but haven’t you run your own diocese?
Francis: I
know, but I lived amongst the people!
Lajolo: It’s
like this... They figured out we just move the priests around...
Francis: Why
didn’t you tell me...?
Amato: Maybe
we thought you already knew!
Lajolo: We
didn’t have an explanation. We thought the sanctity of the Church would be enough.
But then Australians started shouting so as usual we promoted the Arch Bishop
and brought him here... Benedict was driven out of office by peer pressure.
Francis: (with his head in his hands) I don’t
know anything about this!
Bagnasco:
Hey, it’s cool bro!
Amato: Relax.
Francis: You
too? Are you on their side too?
Amato: All
the cardinals looked each other in the eyes and asked: Who will bring
respectability?
Bagnasco:
And here we have you, Francis, my friend!
Lajolo: You
are a role model!
Francis: (rebelling) Ah, but I don’t want it!
Thank you very much! I am leaving! I am gone!
Amato: (he and Bagnasco are holding back laughter)
No, calm down, calm down!
Bagnasco:
Maybe you won’t have to do anything!
Lajolo: If
it is any comfort, we don’t even know what we are doing ourselves,
Bagnasco: We
call each other cardinals out of tradition. But who are we? It is a role! You
have a character too: Pope. Benedict was just like the old Popes! He was
magnificent!
Amato: I disagree,
he didn’t listen.
Lajolo: He
had majesty: the rest of us guided and prompted him. We are playing these
subordinate characters because despite democracy, the people like to see
authority and submissives.
Bagnasco: That is us.
Lajolo: We
are humble vassals; devoted; some of us a little less scripture bound...
Francis: Do
I have to be less scripture bound too?
Amato: Very!
Like us!
Bagnasco:
It’s not easy, you know?
Lajolo: It’s
a shame really! It would help if we could use the massive power of the advertising
industry. Bah! Us cardinals, we have no help, nothing to give our appearances
truthfulness. Do you see what I am saying? Form and content! We are playing moral
leaders without scripts. It is easy for the lay person because they are not
playing a part. This really is their life. They really believe all this stuff.
The rest of us though, here we are in these ornate surroundings...to do what?
Nothing... We just move priests around waiting for someone to catch on and then
we have to say a few words.
Amato: No,
my friend! You’re wrong! I disagree! We do more than that! There is big trouble
when Heads of State speak and we don’t respond correctly every time!
Lajolo: I
know, I know, you are right!
Francis: And
you said nothing! How am I supposed to answer them when I have prepared for a
life of piety rather than that of hypocrisy?
Lajolo, Bagnasco, Amato laugh.
Amato: You
need to catch up fast, now!
Bagnasco: Do it now! We will help you.
Amato: We
have heaps of ideas. They will at least get you started.
Bagnasco:
You can try out just about anything....
Amato: Look!
(turns him around to look at the screen
with pornography) For example, why not watch this?
Francis:
What? I am sorry, but this doesn’t look right.
Amato: There
is a reason for that. We don’t have this on when lay people are here. There are
two channels. One is news and this one only we know about.
Lajolo: That
would certainly be embarrassing if it were showing here permanently.
Francis: Why
do we have it at all then?
Lajolo: They
are images. Images which are like...like a mirror perhaps? This one is so we
can indulge our weaknesses in private, which means we won’t act on them in real
life. This is important. You don’t agree? If they put you in front of a camera,
would you not see us as alive, today, dressed in odd costumes? Playing a scene?
Well, it is as if there are two mirrors which bring those images to life, here
in the midst of a fantasy – a world that is all too real. The longer you stay
here, the more you will understand.
Francis: I
don’t want to go crazy here!
Amato: Don’t
be silly! You will have fun.
Francis: How
did you all become so scurrilous?
Lajolo:
Mate, you can’t go through a thousand years of celibacy without getting a
little antsy.
Amato: Let’s
go, let’s go! You will get it. It won’t take you long.
Bagnasco:
You too shall become adept at subterfuge and hypocrisy!
Francis: Fuck
it, let’s get started right now! Just give me the main points.
Amato: Let’s
do this! A little bit of this, a little bit of that...
Lajolo: We
shall bind you with the threads of knowledge which will make you the most
suitable and duteous of figure heads. Let’s go, let’s go!
Lajolo leads him away.
Francis: (stopping to look at the court case)
Wait! You haven’t told me what our position is on this.
Amato: No.
Bagnasco: The
Australians. They want a fall guy to blame for their complicit ignorance.
Lajolo: This
is our most ferocious enemy, the righteousness of the wilfully blind.
Francis: Oh,
I get it, they represent the righteous anger of the innocent...
Lajolo: Only down under!
Bagnasco:
Pope Gregory VII...
Amato: Our
architect! Let’s go, Let’s go!
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