CAST:
The Baron
The Doctor
The four
Actors:
·
Landolfo (lolo)
·
Arialdo (Franco)
·
Ordulfo (Momo)
·
Bertoldo (Fino)
Two Valets
A secluded villa
in Umbria.
ACT 1
The living room has been decorated to look
like the throne room of Henry 4 in the imperial house of Goslar. Two large
modern portraits stand out amidst the antique furnishing. They are placed on a
plinth which runs the length of the back wall . The portraits sit either side
of the throne. The portraits are of a young man and lady in carnival costumes.
One is Henry 4 and the other is Matilde of Toscany. There are doors on the far
right and left.
The two valets suddenly emerge from behind
the paintings, grab spears and then take up statue poses – one next to the
throne and one at the foot. The four actors enter from the right. They are
playing the role of vassals in the court of Henry 4. They wear the costumes of
11th century German knights. Finally Bertoldo (Fino), is being
initiated into his role. His three companions are enjoying the process. The
scene is played with whimsical liveliness.
Landolfo: (to Bertoldo). And this is the throne
room!
Arialdo: Of
Goslar!
Ordulfo: Or, if you prefer, the Hartz Castle!
Landolfo: As
we have mentioned, this is where we bow, like this.
Ordulfo: In
Saxony!
Arialdo: In
Lombardy!
Landolfo: On
the Rhine!
Valet 1: (lips barely moving) Psst! Psst!
Arialdo: What?
Valet 1: (whispering) Is he coming or not?
Ordulfo: No,
no. Relax: make yourself comfortable.
Valet 2: (sighing and flouncing back to the plinth)
Jesus Christ, you could have told us!
Valet 1: Do
you have a light?
Landolofo:
You can’t smoke a pipe in here!
Valet 1: (as
Arialdo lights a match) I smoke cigarettes.
Gets up and
sits with him on the plinth, smoking.
Bertoldo: (he looks around the room in amazement and
then looks at the costumes worn by the others) Excuse me... this room... those clothes... who
was Henry 4? I do not recognise any of it: is this France?
The other three actors burst out laughing.
Landolfo: Is this France, he asks!
Ordulfo: He thinks this is France!
Arialdo:
Henry 4 is German, my friend! Of the Salii dynasty!
Ordulfo: A
grand and tragic emperor!
Landolfo:
From Canossa! Every day we honour the terrible war between church and state!
Ordulfo: The
Emperor against The Pope!
Arialdo:
Antipapists against Papists!
Landolfo:
The Crown versus the people!
Ordulfo: The
war against Saxony!
Arialdo: All
the rebels!
Landolfo:
The Emperor against his children themselves!
Bertoldo: (covering his head with his hands) I get
it! I get it! I knew these weren’t the clothes of the 15th century!
Arialdo: (pointing to the portraits) But these
are 15th century!
Ordulfo: We
are between the 10th and 11th century!
Landolfo:
Here is the story: it is 25th January, 1071 and we are on our way to
Canossa...
Bertoldo: Oh
god, this is a mess!
Ordolfo:
Already! He thought it was the French Court!
Bertoldo:
All my research...
Landolfo: My
dear friend, this is four hundred years earlier. You are so stupid!
Bertoldo: (getting angry) You could have told me
he was the German and not Henry 4 of France, for god’s sake! For the fifteen
days I prepared. I pored over so many books!
Arialdo: I’m
sorry, but didn’t you know that poor Tito was Adalbert of Bremen?
Bertoldo: No!
I knew I blow a trumpet!
Landolfo: It’s
like this... Tito, the Marquis of Nillo, died...
Bertoldo: He
was the Marquis! What did he want to tell me...?
Arialdo:
Maybe he thought you already knew!
Landolfo: He
didn’t have a replacement. He thought the three of us remaining would be
enough. But then Henry started shouting and Adalbert ran away (because of poor
Tito, you understand? He didn’t really die, but as Bishop Adalbert he was
driven out by the rival Bishops of Cologne and Mainz).
Bertoldo: (with
his head in his hands) I don’t know anything about this story!
Ordulfo:
Hey, it’s cool bro!
Arialdo:
Relax.
Bertoldo:
You too? Are you on their side too?
Ordulfo:
Bertoldo!
Bertoldo:
But who is Bertoldo? Why Bertoldo?
Landolofo:
Why did Adalbert reject me? I wanted to play Bertoldo! I wanted Bertoldo! But
then Henry started screaming.
Arialdo: All
three of us looked him in the eyes and asked: Who will play Bertoldo?
Ordulfo: And
here we have Bertoldo, my friend!
Landolfo:
You are a handsome man!
Bertoldo: (rebelling) Ah, but I don’t want it!
Thank you very much! I am leaving! I am gone!
Arialdo: (he and Ordulfo are holding back laughter)
No, calm down, calm down!
Ordulfo:
Maybe you don’t have to be Bertoldo!
Landolfo: If
it is any comfort, we don’t even know who we are. Arialdo, Ordulfo, myself,
Landolfo...we
have make up these names. We call each other this out of habit. But who are we?
They are characters! You have a character too: Bertoldo. The only one of us who
had a real part was Tito, who got to play the role of the Bishop of Brema. He
was just like a real Bishop! Tito was magnificent!
Arialdo: I
disagree, he didn’t do any research.
Landolfo: He
had majesty: the rest of us guided and prompted him. We are playing these
ordinary characters because history tells us that Henry 4 was hated by the
aristocracy for being surrounded by young commoners.
Ordulfo: That is us.
Landolfo: We
are minor vassals; devoted; some of us are decadent, cheerful...
Bertoldo: Do
I have to be cheerful too?
Arialdo:
Very! Like us!
Ordulfo:
It’s not easy, you know?
Landolfo:
It’s a shame really! It would help if we could use the grand costumes and props
that you find in a real theatre. The clothes from other tragedies to tell the
real story of Henry 4. Bah! Us four, and those two bums who are stuck to the
throne, we have no help, nothing to give our scenes truthfulness. Do you see
what I am saying? Form and content! We are playing consorts to Henry without
parts. It is easy for the others because they are not playing a part. This
really is their life. They really are scheming and doing things behind his
back. The rest of us though, here we are in these ornate surroundings...to do what?
Nothing... We are just puppets waiting for someone to grab us and move us here
and there and have us say a few words.
Arialdo: No,
my friend! You’re wrong! I disagree! We do more than that! There is big trouble
if Henry speaks and we don’t respond correctly every time!
Landolfo: I
know, I know, you are right!
Bertoldo:
And you said nothing! How am I supposed to answer him when I have prepared for
Henry 4 of France, not Henry IV of Germany?
Landolfo, Ordulfo, Arialdo laugh.
Arialdo: You
need to fix this now, now!
Ordulfo: Do it now! We will help you.
Arialdo: We
have heaps of books. They will at least get you started.
Ordulfo: You
can find out just about anything....
Arialdo:
Look! (turns him around to look at the
portrait of Matilda) For example, who is she?
Bertoldo:
Her? I am sorry, but this doesn’t look right: it is a very modern painting
amongst all of these antiques.
Arialdo:
There is a reason for that. They weren’t there before. There are two recesses
behind them to place statues which have been sculpted according to the style of
the era. We are still waiting for them so in the meantime, the pictures are
covering the empty niches.
Landolfo:
That would certainly be a false note if they really were paintings.
Bertoldo:
What are they then, if they’re not paintings?
Landolfo: I
am messing with you! But, actually, I think I am right. They are images. Images
which are like...like a mirror perhaps? This one is him, lifelike, in this
throne room, which is also supposed to be of the era. You don’t agree? If they
put you in front of a mirror, would you not see us as alive, today, dressed in
ancient costumes? Well, it is as if there are two mirrors which bring those
images to life, here in the midst of a fantasy – a world that is all too real.
The longer you stay here, the more you will understand.
Bertoldo: I
don’t want to go crazy here!
Arialdo:
Don’t be silly! You will have fun.
Bertoldo:
How did you all become so wise?
Landolfo:
Mate, you can’t go back through eight hundred years of history without taking
along a little experience.
Arialdo:
Let’s go, let’s go! You will get it. It won’t take you long.
Ordulfo: You
too shall become wise in this school!
Bertoldo: Fuck
it, let’s get started right now! Just give me the main points.
Arialdo:
Let’s do this! A little bit of this, a little bit of that...
Landolfo: We
shall bind you with the threads of knowledge which will make you the most
suitable and duteous of puppets. Let’s go, let’s go!
Landolfo leads him away.
Bertoldo: (stopping to look at the portraits)
Wait! You haven’t told me who she is! Is that the Emperor’s wife?
Arialdo: No.
His real wife was Empress Bertha of Susa, sister to Amadeus II of Savoy.
Ordulfo: The
Emperor wants to be young like us. He can’t stand it and is in denial.
Landolfo:
This is his most ferocious enemy, Matilda, the Marchioness of Tuscany.
Bertoldo:
Oh, I get it, she supported the Pope...
Landolfo: Only at Canossa!
Ordulfo:
Pope Gregory VII
Arialdo: Our
bogeyman! Let’s go, Let’s go!
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