LULLABY

Lines map    her aging face

As her life     breaks down    my heart

                                                     Love you babe          

Slap!

Her withered, haunted gaze

An echo    of survival

                                                     Love you babe

Smack!

The creases    of her smile

Confused    and bewildered

                                                     Love you babe

Thwack!

Her love     is black and white

My own    many shades of grey

                                                     Love you babe

Get here now!

Soft/hard, good/bad, right/wrong

I bare    invisible scars

                                                     Love you babe

Bend over!

Pain begets pain   for all

And fear    is a bold tyrant 

                                                     Love you babe

Stop crying!

Maslow’s layers of lies

Mean nothing    to babes in arms

                                                     Love you babe

Get the waddy!

All needs are relative

And all relatives     have needs

                                                     Love you babe

Where’s the sashcord?

Side by side, year by year

Her needs, my needs, and their needs

                                                     Love you babe

Who hid the wooden spoon?

Scarce resources    make rules

The will to comply, survive

                                                     Love you babe

Now you’ll listen!

Do you know    what love is?

Can you? Can she? How can I?

                                                     Love you babe

This time you’ll learn!

She tried hard. Did her best.

Crimes of love    a pain beyond

                                                     Love you babe

Get back here!

She weakens now. Scars show.

Her life of turmoil    revealed

                                                     Love you babe

Are you going to make me use it?

Written    for all to see

Mine    much harder to spy

                                                     Love you babe

You’re asking for it!

I am the strong one    now

Her warning cries    a whisper

                                                     Love you babe

That’ll teach you!

Lessons of love    skewed

But I have found    my path

                                                     Love you babe

Have you had enough yet?

Through her slanted efforts

I fear less. I bend, not break

                                                     Love you babe

What did you say to me?

I offer    the lost care

Show her    soft gentility

                                                     Love you babe

You won’t do it again!

Rheumy eyes    show    surprise

A long hug. No whip    or curse

                                                     Love you babe

….Love you Mum. 

AWAKE

Eyes flutter,

Open wide.

A haze of light cascading the lens.

Confusion.

Panic.

Who? Where? Who? What? Where?

WhoWhoWhere?

HooHoo?

Hoo am I?

Where am I?

What?           What?        What is this?

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Be still. Be calm.

Don’t move.

But who?

Wait…                                            

Okay.

Think.

Think.

Think!

ThinkThinkThinkThinkThinkTHINK!

Hoo?What?HOOHOOHOO?

Nothing!

***

Eyes shift.

Left, right, up, down.

Bright.

Light.

Sunlight.

Daylight.

Morning?

Frosted French doors

Refracting, reflecting.

Roof. Walls. Bed.

Bed.

Bed. Bedroom.

Soft pillow, warm blanket.

Safe.

Where?

Where? WhereWhereHOO?

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 Be still. Be calm

Who am I?

Think. Search. Seek.

Rummage.

Dig. Delve.

Push and pull.

Excavate!

Nothing!

***

Eyes wide,

Rapid breath.

Be still. Be calm.

Doctor.

Doctor?

Doctor.

Which doctor?

Witchdoctor?

Any doctor. A doctor. Some doctor.

Anyone will do.

Will they know?

Yes.

Will they know me?

WILL THEY KNOW ME?

Panting lungs

In/out, up/down.

Heart beating a tattoo.

WilltheywilltheywilltheywilltheyWILLTHEYKNOWWHOIAM?

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Be still. Be calm.

They will know what to do.

***

Move.

Move?

Yes

Yes. Move.

Eyes shift down.

Dips and tips and valleys,

Human form.

Attached. Connected.

Limp.

Body.

Still.

Very still.

Move.

Move.

How?

Think.

Think?

Think…

“Move”

Nothing.

Nothing?

Nothing.

Not moving… 

Not moving. NOT MOVING. NOT/

Still, stiff, stick, straight.

Who? Who? Who? WHOHOOHOOHOO?

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Be still. Be calm.

Soft. Slow. Steady.

Sunlight. Morning.

Bed.

Safe.

Safe.

Yes, safe.

Think.

Yes, think.

twitching finger,

A restless arm,

A waking spine.

I remember!

I remember!

I remember!

***

Another bed.

Another sun.

I remember!

MONOTONY

tweet, cheep, chatter, chirp

burr, crack, thud, clunk

flapping, napping

swearing, tearing

the sounds

of summer

come at me

in stereo

***

birds in trees

feeding, flying, flittering

in the leaves

a grey monolith

rising from the rooftops

looming over the trees

both stare at me

daring a response

***

the mint wafts

into my nose

the basil intrudes on the left

the aroma wars have begun

***

pink

purple

red

orange

green beneath my soul

under my hands

under my eyes

the daffodil high in the sky

***

we see with

two eyes

hear with

two ears

smell with

two nostrils

we touch with

two hands

walk with

two feet

Breathe through     

two lungs

yet we eat with one mouth

feel with one heart

birth with one womb

***

to live

is stereo

left

right

weakness

might

surplus

and there is need

but there is only one world

and we are all one race

***

and the race never ends

and the race is never won

and the race is never lost

***

hard

soft

light

dark

reality

dreams

nature

sythetics

synthesized

into a mono track

one reality

one mind

one body

life as we know it, Jim